It has literally been “forever” or so it seems since I’ve added anything to this site. Soooo much has been happening in our lives! Forgive my writing errors, etc. I’m pretty rusty, but I need to clear some of the cobwebs and jump back in.
I have so much to say, yet it feels like it has become this big tangled up web of words in my brain. Lately it seems all I do is open my mouth and “buu, bluhhh, bluh” comes out. I don’t feel like I can even hold an intelligent conversation with someone. It makes me feel like I’ve gone crazy. In my mind I’ve already asked, answered and skipped ahead to the next thought, question, etc. but the connection between my mouth and brain is just lost. That said(umm or maybe not), I just shut up and move on. Or try to. Later, I get all settled into my bed, nothing on my mind except sweet sleep. And it begins. The barrage of thoughts come in like a cat with it’s tail on fire. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING comes back. Every issue, problem, unforeseen problem, future problem, what if’s, if only, I wish I had, I wish I hadn’t and it goes on and on. The wheels in my brain become a torture device spinning out of control. Worry sets in. Doubt sets in. Things that don’t even belong to me come back to haunt my already confused mind. I have taken ownership of stuff, junk, somebody else’s problems and I am losing sleep over it. Lack of sleep leads to a very cranky me. Hothead, irritable me I might add. Yea, I’m not liking that person very much and neither does my family. Part of this I can blame on all the many, many changes that have taken place over the last year. We have had some major life changes! Moving from Virginia to Florida, back to Virginia and a month ago to Massachusetts. Can I just say I’m tired? On top of it, my husband and I were apart for the last year. He did what he had to do and found a better job back in his home state. I was mom and dad to our teenagers. WARNING, warning… NEVER, I mean never do this unless you absolutely have to. (That is another whole story I can write about later.) Thanks go to God, family and friends! Without their support, and God’s grace we could not have done it. It has truly been a growing experience. Now finally, we are all under one roof again. It has been just a little crazy. Getting used to each other, sharing space all over again to say the least.
Adding to all of that, our oldest son, Neil is getting married. Next weekend. AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! So, in less than a week we make the trek back to Virginia. Here’s the best part… He’s marrying a co-author’s daughter Lindsay. Denise and I have known each other as long as our kids have. We became friends while attending the same church and our kids met each other in youth group. We knew years ago, in fact predicted, they would get married. Yes, they had ups and downs, as we all have, but here we all are. I remember a family trip we all took together and Lindsay would not even take a picture with Neil. One day as he lay buried up to his neck in the sand, she poured a whole bucket of ocean water on his head. It was pretty funny and yes we have pictures! It was so obvious they “liked” each other then even though they wouldn’t admit it. Time has gone by pretty fast, I think they were about 14 then. And now we are all about to become related.
So, yes, I’m feeling quite crazy right now with just moving and a wedding on my mind. It wasn’t in the plan to have it all happen so close. I keep making little check lists, to do lists, and the days are winding up quicker than I can get them done. You want everything to be just perfect. I keep waiting for something to trip me up. So right now, I am overwhelmed. But, I am remembering also who reigns within me. Who can quiet this crazy raging storm in my head. Who brings me peace. I have been so emotional already. So thankful I have a firm foundation in God. I have to draw close and remind myself He is with me, He is taking care of ALL the details I am going nuts over. Just like when He quiets the storm, I know I just need to take His hand and trust He’s GOT it. My chaos is only in my head, and I am the one creating it. I have an issue with control, and I’ve had to give it up. Ok, I have tried to give it up. That’s going to take some work. All in all, it doesn’t matter if things are perfect. God has drawn lives together, and it is a time of celebration! I am so looking forward to next weekend. There are many emotions tied to this. Seeing people from my past I have not seen in years, watching my sweet boy saying “I do”, gaining a daughter, watching God’s plan unfold. My “to do” list for today is waiting! One of which is to find a handkerchief, or maybe two. I don’t know if a box of tissues will be quite enough. So hang on to God in your time of chaos. Let Him take the reigns. Or, if you are like me, relinquish your control freak nature. Find your peace. Take a moment and just let it go. In the end, He’s still in control.