I know that this is a phrase that is often heard in the church setting, “God works in mysterious ways.” Some might think that it is overused, however, I find myself at a place where I not only need to hear or say it, but to believe it. Honesty time: for the past few years I have walked away from God. I have not forgotten about Him, I have prayed the occasional prayer, especially when I needed something, but for all intensive purposes, I walked out. There might be some of you out there who might wonder what did God do to cause me to walk away… Nothing! Absolutely nothing at all. I know this for a fact, because even though I had turned away, God had not. He never left my side. He is a gentleman, but He reminded me, at various points during my hiatus, that He was still where I left Him. Waiting for me to return down the road like the prodigal son/daughter. He reminded me through chance encounters, sunrises, and sunsets, through moments of openness to help others, or hearing stories of what God was doing in others lives. He even continued doing and taking care of me, sometimes whether I wanted Him to or not.
Above all else, He was patient. He shown the light under baskets, in corners, through others and even in my own experiences. Now I have to say there were times when the light shown through a crack in the basket over my head and I pulled it down harder. When the light would come towards me, I, at times, turned my back or skittered towards another corner. Even when He shown His wonderful light through things that happened in my life, those events which had no other explanation other than God, I uttered the expected recognition but truly did not feel it in my core. My heart, I felt, needed to be protected at all costs, even the cost of distancing myself from my Creator. It was not hard to find the bricks to build the walls, they came at me through my own actions, and the actions that I allowed others to either hand or throw at me. Before I realized it, a wall I would believe to be comparable to the one around Jericho was in place and my heart felt safe, or so I thought.
But here is the thing about walls, not only do they keep things out but they also keep things in. I say this because, my heart still worked. It still felt things, it still got hurt but what my walls did, was to keep others, who would support and help me through, to not be able to reach me. So instead of protection, it isolated. I felt alone, abandoned and most of all lost. The lie of the wall or walls is this, “I will keep you safe.” I finally had to ask myself, do they really keep me safe? Being someone who loves research I started to research that word, safe. Oxford Dictionary defines safe as “Protected from danger, protected from harm, shielded, sheltered, guarded, defended, secure, safe and sound, out of harms way, all right.” Well I was far from being “all right.” And as far as the other synonyms, they neither protected nor really helped me feel secure and sound. What I did feel, most times, when I was not feeling alone or hurt, was numb. Numbness crept over me, it was easier sometimes to allow the numbness to encompass rather than fight it and feel pain. The walls did not comfort, in fact behind the walls was coldness, bitterness and pain, whether I wanted to admit it or not.
So what do you do with the walls that hinder, keep hidden the pain and heartache, the isolation and despair? Well unfortunately, I do not have a definitive answer for each and everyone who might, still have the tall walls around them, in fact, I am still figuring out for myself how to take all those layers of bricks down around my heart and soul. But I can tell you this, you have to keep praying. God comes in the little things, such as a phone call, which is what has happened to me. A call totally not meant to be what it was to be, unless you look at it through God’s eyes. Do not give up! Pray for a breakthrough. A nick in the brick, even if it is a small one. One where enough light, even if it is a sliver, can come through. Ask God to help you forgive, to open up to just one person. To allow one person, thing, sunrise or sunset, a touch of a child’s hand or even just an impromptu hug from someone who cares, or even a phone call to break down one small chunk. One where you can reach a finger through to touch the light. To feel the warmth and comfort that is offered. Instead of the lies of the wall, of the enemy, that being inside the walls will make you feel secure and safe, “all right.” It is a lie.
I ask that you pray for me. To ask God to help me become all that He would have me be. To allow Him to work through me to reach those with walls. To give me direction as to where and how to help those in pain, hidden behind the walls. And I will pray for you. I will continue to pray for God to reach out and hug you. To give you strength to turn towards Him instead of away. To allow someone or something touch your heart, to show you that you are loved and needed. God needs you, those around you need you, and I need you. If there is anything in particular you need prayer for, or need to talk to someone who can relate please do not hesitate to contact me below. God is here, others are here and I am here. Peak through the hole, put a finger out and let God’s love, comfort and peace surround you. God bless!